The Daily Grind

As a college student, the years we devote to our education seem to follow a certain pattern. The fall semester rolls around and anticipation fills the air, students excited to get back to their respective college to see friends and share stories of their three months away. The first few weeks are complete with new classes, coupled with a fresh perspctive brought on by whatever your summer may have held. Not too many tests, football and a whole lot of energy. Then, after a few weeks, the rush of new beginnings seems to fade, and we find ourselves chipping away at our daily schedules with a sense of purpose and importance. We settle in to our routines, and begin to crank out classes, organizational involvement, and late night study sessions for tests like seasoned pros. We put our heads down and just move at an insane pace most of the time, looking to each weekend for relief from the onset of chaos. So it's official, we are in the grind. It is here that time seems to simply disappear. As we fix our sights on our goals and responsibilities, the weeks just vanish. It is almost November, and as I sit here under a beautiful October night, the weather is beginning to show signs of fall, and life is seems to be so fast and furious, yet so fragile in this moment.

If you are like me, it is easy to simply think about what is required to jump over the bar. What must I do in order to succeed in my endeavors? Yet as I enjoy the first opportunity to post on this in some time now, I am forced to look beyond what is required to fulfill my goals, and I am confronted with reality. Tears are drawn to my eyes because so often I forget that the days I have are only what has been given, and the time I spend here is both precious and gracious. Sure, there is purpose in our days. There is productivity and accomplishment. Be it acing a test, exercising, or brightening someone's day, we all fill our days with stuff. But how often do we echo the sentiments of King David in Psalm 3 when he said "I laid down to sleep, and I awoke again, for the Lord sustained me"? As he was being pursued by his enemies, David understood that the sun rising on a his still living body should only be credited to the One who fine tuned this place. Overcome with gratefulness, joy, and grace it is realities such as this that cause the mighty king to break out in dance, invite the cripple to eat at his side, and compose some of the most intimate, and moving poetry ever-recorded. Yet so often we trade this beautiful truth in for a cheap to do list, limit the thoughts of our God to time built into our schedules, and we set our minds and energy in pursuing the many banners of this world. The greatest commandment is to "love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind." Yet too often my life looks as though I exchange 'the Lord you God' with 'anything and everything that makes me successful'

As we grind, life accelerates, and if we aren't careful, the beauty of our Savior and the blessing of simply existing in His presence may be replaced with christian performance. We have our quiet times and serve others as if we are meetings a quota. Christ then simply becomes part of the picture instead of the entire painting. Our God conquered death so that He may have dominion over our time, our lives, and our goals, yet we try and reduce Him out of the equation by controlling Him via numerous activities and schedules. He cannot be contained nor controlled, yet fear grips us to pursue aspirations at a break-necking pace in hopes that our Mighty God does not call us to abandon all we know and seek His face in a distant place or position. Yet as I look throughout history and the bible, no believer of any memorable impact bound himself to the confines of 'the daily grind.' Existing rather than living. My hope and prayer is that I will leave it to god to guide and direct my steps, not my iCalendar. May we free ourselves from the chains of busyness, in order to free our minds and hearts to seek the heart of God. I went to sleep and awoke again...

I'm exhausted... Good.

You go on a mission trip for two weeks to a foreign country. Or perhaps you go work at a summer camp all summer (which is exactly what I'm doing). It could be serving in a church. Whatever the vice may be, most of us have experienced scenarios in our lives where we go and completely devote ourselves to the work of the Lord. for the time you are serving the Lord in that way, from sun up to sun down, you are fully devoted for the gospel work. You spend hours in prayer and searching the scriptures daily, countless conversations about the Lord, and you count it some of the most spiritually rich time of your life. You are so filled up, and then you go back to your home and resume business as usual. Days full of school, homework, activities, movies, and hang out time. We slowly settle back in to our daily lives, and the reality of what Jesus's showed us begins to fade farther and farther from our minds. We settle back in to the average, american, self-serving lifestyle with just a hint of Christian mixed in there. Especially at Texas A&M there is a tendency to live a very selfish Christian life. Complete with several Christian organizations, church and breakaway services, and a few intentional conversations. Consumerism Christianity at its best, if we allow it. We say things like "Back at camp I was growing so much." Or "During our tirp I expereinced Jesus." So what is the disconnect? Why can't that be the case 365 days a year?

I believe we absolutely can, or dare I say we should have that type of growth and experience all year. The common denominator between all those trips or jobs where we experience Jesus is the fact that we are totally and unterrly consumed with the gospel work. We exhaust ourselves for the work of Jesus. I was running the trails here in Lampe, Missouri with a kamper when he began to share an incredible truth. As we ran togethr he told me how he thought the best way to battle sin is to serve others. I've never thought about this before but as we continued down the trails I acted like that was such a great realization for him to come to, having no clue that he just rocked my world. Over the next few weeks I began to brainstorm of how I could take this fruitful growth that I've experienced here back to College Station. My conclusion: Find ways to exhaust myself for the gospel. daily. Which is not a mind- blowning realization by any means, but in the midst of college my faith has been so selfish in so many areas. The problem I've realized is that I had slapped a hint of ownership on the time, friendships, ministries, talents, and gifts I was given. We get so caught up in pursuing our goals, school, friendships, that we forget our purpose. To impact those around us for the gospel. The environment I have experienced over these few months has been nothing short of incredible. Yet I firmly believe that it shouldn't just end once we pack up and go back home. But rather, as we pack our bags we strap on the mindset that we will literally "beat our bodies" for the sake of Christ. How many of us truly have that mindset in our everday lives? Attacking for the kingdom like a mighty warrior of the Living God? Fighting for souls, devoted in prayer, hiding His word in our hearts. Instead, we have reduced this type of life to which we are called to fond memories and wishful thinking. When in reality, if we have Christ in our hearts, we should wage war daily. From the moment our feet hit the ground, to the second our heads hits the pillow, we strive with a purpose. Yet so few of us take up our crosses daily to follow Christ, instead we wait until we cross a border or sign a contract to work at a camp. We live so comfortably it almost sickens me. Because when I look at scripture, comfort in the physical sense was nowhere to be found, but suffering and discomfort marked the life of a believer. It's time we lay aside the incumbrence of comfort and follow after Jesus with selfless ababandomment. In and out of our everday lives. Strategically attacking each day to make known the gospel.

It must have slipped my mind.

I am so forgetful. Now, if you're reading this, chances are, so are you. This can range from the most simple, daily tasks like eating a meal to a more serious violation like missing class. I cannot even count how many times I have simply forgotten to turn in an assignment, wish someone a happy birthday, or fulfill any other kind of task that someone asks of me. I have seen forgetfulness, coupled with an unfocused mind lead me astray in the midst of daily prayer and quiet times. It's remarkable that I can literally forget the very thing that was on my mind one second before when I am intentionally seeking a Holy God. Unfortunately, forgetfulness holds much more serious implications then we often realize. As I flip through the pages of the Old Testament, I see a people who continually forget who it is they have as an Advocate, who they are, and where they have been. Over and over again God rescues His people from a mistake they made just several generations before. The same people who sing praises and give thanks for their daily mana in the desert, are the same people who erect a golden calf when their stuttering, staff-carrying leader seemingly leaves for a short time. We see a people who jubilantly praise God as their enduring and mighty King, and a people who cry out in anger for a human king to lead them. All the while we almost laugh at the Israelites expense. Armed with our coffee cups and study bibles, laughing at these foolish people for leaving their God time and time again. Often times we fail to see the stark connection between God's chosen nation, and ourselves. In some form or fashion, we stray from our almighty God on a daily basis. I don't have to think very hard to remember times that I have committed unspeakable sin shortly after a great quiet time, moving sermon, or gripping bible study. I almost always then seek to blame God for the tragedy in my life and ask Him why this is happening. A mirror reflection of the Israelites. All the while my God is leading back to the cross to remind me of His grace, because I am so forgetful.

We examine God's faithfulness time and time again in scripture, but the moment a trial comes our way, we lose our minds and have the arrogance to think that we are the exception to the rule. As if God will not deliver you through something or work out a tragedy for good because 'we can't see how God can use this'. If the one that we place our trust in can conquer the grave for our sake, what makes us think He can't conquer our brokenness? I am not merely a Christian who uses the stories of the Old Testament to learn a lesson, but to connect with a people who suffer from the same disease I am plagued with. My very character fequently pulls me away from the God I love and trust to meander in the pool of worry and doubt. My God has never failed since before the creations of the fondations of the earth, why do I think He will not be sufficient for my portion now? If I truly embraced the realities in scripture, then there would be no desire to reach back into the patterns of sin and death. I am so forgetful. I have never sought God and returned with thirst or hunger, always He satisfies me, forever He keeps me. My prayer is that we would constantly remind ourselves of God's goodness and faithfulness, because if it is not with a constant abiding in His Spirit, our hearts will turn from face of our Savior. "Prone to wander, Lord I feel it."

Winter Cleaning

As we all know, Saturday afternoons are arguably the most valuable commodity to a college student. Most of them are filled with football games, visiting family and friends, so it is rare when you find yourself in possession of a completely free Saturday. My roommates and I decided to seize the day and undertake some thorough winter cleaning. While it is a story in and of itself that you would find five college dudes spending hours cleaning, the real story lies in the events that took place the following day.

In the process of cleaning my roommates ripped out two ceiling fans, and a considerably large block of sheet rock from our run-down shed. We immediately placed them in the trash pile that resides on the side of our house and I didn’t think anything more of it. This morning when I was awakened by a loud banging at the door, I immediately scrambled out of bed, threw on some clothes, ran to the door all the while thinking who on earth would dare disturb my slumber at 11 am on a Sunday morning. I was surprised to find a man that I had never seen before standing in front of me. He asked, with a glowing smile, if we would be using those anymore as he pointed to our pile of garbage. I looked at him perplexed, but responded with a simple, “no man, go for it, they’re yours.” I could see the excitement on his face while he ran over to claim his prize, and carry them back to his car.

Now, I guess this is the part where I say that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure so value what you have! But that lesson learned would have given me no trouble while attempting to fall back asleep. Instead, a blade of conviction pierced straight to my heart. Tossing and turning as if I had something weighing down on my conscience. A phrase kept echoing in my head, “You live so comfortably.” My heart was breaking as I was confronted with the reality of how truly selfish I am. The issue is not that I threw away a ceiling fan that was gladly picked up by a stranger, but the real matter is that as a Christian I was slowly being blinded to the heart of Jesus. I am haunted by the fact that I am completely content and comfortable to get in my car that is worth thousands everyday, sleep in a bed with extra padding, blog about Jesus on a Mac Book Pro, and enjoy costly meals to “be intentional” with a brother or sister in the faith. So often my prayers don’t get away from “bless this”, “bless that, please God.” But the reality is that He already has. How can I possibly enjoy the multiple jackets I own, most of them being simply for fashion, when my brothers just a short drive away will die this winter because they lack protection from the elements?

Now, before I go any further you must understand that these things, in and of themselves, are not inherently evil, but even if possessions, wealth, and greed aren’t an explicit idol for you, I believe that we have gotten so accustomed to living the way we do that we cannot truly see the depth of this problem. Billions live on less than a dollar a day across this earth, some on the other side of the town from you, but I don’t even give it a second thought when I spend four dollars on a latte simply because ‘I was craving one.’ Jesus calls us to look after the poor and those in need, and I am convinced that when we actually do this, we can no longer continue with ordinary lives. What would happen if instead of avoiding eye contact to for the man on the sidewalk asking for money because I think he is just going to buy booze with it, I attempted to meet his physical needs? Maybe I can give him nothing that he needs, but maybe I am able to give him everything he needs. This is the heart of the gospel, true religion, as James calls it. As we begin to be aware of the desperate need for water, food, shelter, clothing, and the gospel, the spring break trips to a tropical location that cost hundreds of dollars quickly lose their luster. This is not an attempt to guilt you into giving away half your wardrobe and savings account, but simply a challenge. Tears well up in my eyes as I contemplate how vastly different this world would be if we truly did love our neighbors as ourselves. No longer satisfied to hand out a gospel track and return to the pursuit of the American Dream. My prayer is that God would break me, break us from this selfish lifestyle we all lead. May I look to the needs of others before I decide to purchase another video game, pumpkin spice latte, or polo shirt. I want to stand confident because I know that if God called me to leave it all behind, I would. I am not there yet, but I cannot wait to embark on this journey of dying to myself. Will you join me?

Try, Try, Try Again...

I am deathly afraid of failure. Now, this isn't some trivial fear that gets an entertaining rise out of me every once in awhile. No, this a fear that runs so deep through my entire being that it has infected many aspects of my life. I constantly push myself to perform at the best of my ability, and whenever I don't measure up, my inadequacies are once again highlighted. Even in the face of success, my heart is never satisfied by my performance. This ranges all the way from my performance as a traithlete to the pursuit of academics to the fulfillment I find in relationships and the satisfaction I am able to provide others in those relationships. Fearful that in my pursuits of worldly objectives, I may come up short and have nothing to offer those around me, destined for despair. Yet I have never been to measure up, and unforuntately, I don't see that changing anytime soon. Now, maybe this fear isn't something shared by those reading, but I have a sneaking suspicion that as we are called to 'be all we can be', many of us share this same insecurity. It doesn't take much to look around and see the that this world is full of broken people seeking satisfation in success. We pursue our self-set goals in order to proclaim to those around us that we have what it takes, we can make it on our own. The void we all seek to fill is deep, and the ugly truth still remains; we will never be good enough. I will never be able to win enough races, make enough A's in school, or encourage enough people. We continually let ourselves down because we failed to reach our goals, our heads may scream for a second chance determined to succeed the next time, but our hearts cry out for something more; Redemption. Every time we place our worth on the rising and falling of our successes, our Savior's heart breaks. We can be assured of this, no greater victory than that over death can be achieved by any of us. We mock the very resurrection of Christ when we put our worth in anything other than his defeat of death. He beckons us softly to walk in the beauty of His grace, but we reapetedly exchange the eternal security of mercy for a chance to build a kingdom that is rooted in nothing more than selfishness. The greatest realization one can come to is that they are a complete failure, and nothing has any worth outisde the sacrifice of Christ. Too often I have chosen to stare my Savior in the eye, and with my actions tell Him that His conquest of the inevitable was not enough. His side was pierced and His flesh ws torn so that we could experience a life free from the weighty chains of inadequacy. With His arms outstretched upon that cross He proclaims to all humiaty how much we are truly worth. The beauty of this proclamation is that it is not founded in any requirements or conditions. Pure grace. When the God-man proclaimed "It is finished" as He drew His last breath on that tree, all expectations were fulfilled. We are called not merely to accept, but to be defined by this truth. My prayer is that we would no longer allow ourselves to place worth based on our performance, but on the victorious sacrifice of Christ.

It keeps going and going and going and going...

As I was getting a ride home from one of my good friends he simply asked me the question "so how's your semester going?" A question college students hear on a daily basis, and so we all have canned answers. But this time, God struck something inside of me after I articulately delivered what I thought he wanted to hear, and how I was excited to see what God was going to do with me this year. I admitted to him that I was soo busy, and I had sooo much going on, but thats how I liked to do things. After a few hours, I sat back and pondered what I had been telling everyone who asked me that same question. I analyzed what was on my plate for the semester, and realized how deadly and dangerous it is to live your life at such a fast pace. I once heard it said that busy is an acronym for "Being Under Satan's Yoke". Regrettably, I have seen this acronym manifest itself in my life, in a very real and alarming way. Quiet times and prayer simply become another objective to cross off your list for the day, serving a brother, having lunches to encourage friends, worship and bible studies, all become as mundane and routine as going to classes. The Lord slapped me across the face with a firm hand of conviction at this point as I wondered when the last time was that I stopped, and simply sat in His presence. I had been moving so fast that everytime I went to the Lord there was no fruits to show for it because I hadn't stopped long enough to plant any seeds. Let's memorize some scripture and talk about John Piper to a friend and call the day a success because I focused on God. We might fool our brothers and sisters in Christ, and most likely ourselves for awhile, but in the meantime the Lord's heart is breaking. We trade in intimacy and a relationship for a schedule of activities and whole lot of labor. We reduce our God of the universe to 10 minutes a day and a chapter of scripture. What a tragedy! My life looks less like a radical warrior who has fallen deeply in love with Christ, and more like your typical over-involved and highly stressed college student.

We tend to wear our business as a title, using that as an excuse as to why we blew someone off, why we didn't call our parents, or why we never even spoke a word to our Savior today. I think we are afraid of what we might find if we slow down and sit uncomfortably in the Lord's presence. Perhaps we will begin to see how meaningless the fruits of our labor really are as we navigate our daily lives. Perhaps we will be shown the depths of our ugly hearts in comparison to a Holy God, causing us to fall on our knees proclaiming "woe is me, I am undone!". Maybe, that interaction will undeniably change our lives forever, and that is something we are very, very afraid of. Let us no longer hide behind the mask of business and allow God to guide our steps instead of a self-centered, calculated schedule that strips us of our dependence on our trustworthy Guide. My prayer is that we would slow down long enough to enjoy the presence our our Maker.

Not so bad, right?

A little passage I wrote a few days ago in my journal:

Exam and probe your ways. Because brother, you say your a Christian, but you haven't served the King Most High single day. You can sit in church and sing along to all those cute little worship songs, not knowing all along that your mind's aligned completely wrong. How do you think your supposed to bend to one knee when it means nothing to you that creation sings 'Holy, Holy, Holy'? Now you might not smoke weed or look at pornography, but do you really believe that abstinence will set you free? You're not righteous because you don't act on sin, it's not your behavior, but a heart condition. but you shrug your shoulders and refuse to look within, thinking if you do bad then you're not living in sin. I don't care if it's noticeable, laughable, measureable, detestable, or acceptable, it all flows through your veins and is pumped by your heart. You've been depraved since the start, and there's nothing you can do to be set apart. You're destined for flames regardless of how well you play this spiritual game. There's only one thing to quench the thirst of God's wrath, its the mangled body of Jesus hanging lifeless during the crucifixion aftermath. with a spear in his side, thorns in his brow, there's no other options for the wicked now. But to bend low at the cross, and take a grateful bow. Abandon this lie that you have it together, and begin to walk by grace into the gates of forever.