I am deathly afraid of failure. Now, this isn't some trivial fear that gets an entertaining rise out of me every once in awhile. No, this a fear that runs so deep through my entire being that it has infected many aspects of my life. I constantly push myself to perform at the best of my ability, and whenever I don't measure up, my inadequacies are once again highlighted. Even in the face of success, my heart is never satisfied by my performance. This ranges all the way from my performance as a traithlete to the pursuit of academics to the fulfillment I find in relationships and the satisfaction I am able to provide others in those relationships. Fearful that in my pursuits of worldly objectives, I may come up short and have nothing to offer those around me, destined for despair. Yet I have never been to measure up, and unforuntately, I don't see that changing anytime soon. Now, maybe this fear isn't something shared by those reading, but I have a sneaking suspicion that as we are called to 'be all we can be', many of us share this same insecurity. It doesn't take much to look around and see the that this world is full of broken people seeking satisfation in success. We pursue our self-set goals in order to proclaim to those around us that we have what it takes, we can make it on our own. The void we all seek to fill is deep, and the ugly truth still remains; we will never be good enough. I will never be able to win enough races, make enough A's in school, or encourage enough people. We continually let ourselves down because we failed to reach our goals, our heads may scream for a second chance determined to succeed the next time, but our hearts cry out for something more; Redemption. Every time we place our worth on the rising and falling of our successes, our Savior's heart breaks. We can be assured of this, no greater victory than that over death can be achieved by any of us. We mock the very resurrection of Christ when we put our worth in anything other than his defeat of death. He beckons us softly to walk in the beauty of His grace, but we reapetedly exchange the eternal security of mercy for a chance to build a kingdom that is rooted in nothing more than selfishness. The greatest realization one can come to is that they are a complete failure, and nothing has any worth outisde the sacrifice of Christ. Too often I have chosen to stare my Savior in the eye, and with my actions tell Him that His conquest of the inevitable was not enough. His side was pierced and His flesh ws torn so that we could experience a life free from the weighty chains of inadequacy. With His arms outstretched upon that cross He proclaims to all humiaty how much we are truly worth. The beauty of this proclamation is that it is not founded in any requirements or conditions. Pure grace. When the God-man proclaimed "It is finished" as He drew His last breath on that tree, all expectations were fulfilled. We are called not merely to accept, but to be defined by this truth. My prayer is that we would no longer allow ourselves to place worth based on our performance, but on the victorious sacrifice of Christ.
