Not so bad, right?

A little passage I wrote a few days ago in my journal:

Exam and probe your ways. Because brother, you say your a Christian, but you haven't served the King Most High single day. You can sit in church and sing along to all those cute little worship songs, not knowing all along that your mind's aligned completely wrong. How do you think your supposed to bend to one knee when it means nothing to you that creation sings 'Holy, Holy, Holy'? Now you might not smoke weed or look at pornography, but do you really believe that abstinence will set you free? You're not righteous because you don't act on sin, it's not your behavior, but a heart condition. but you shrug your shoulders and refuse to look within, thinking if you do bad then you're not living in sin. I don't care if it's noticeable, laughable, measureable, detestable, or acceptable, it all flows through your veins and is pumped by your heart. You've been depraved since the start, and there's nothing you can do to be set apart. You're destined for flames regardless of how well you play this spiritual game. There's only one thing to quench the thirst of God's wrath, its the mangled body of Jesus hanging lifeless during the crucifixion aftermath. with a spear in his side, thorns in his brow, there's no other options for the wicked now. But to bend low at the cross, and take a grateful bow. Abandon this lie that you have it together, and begin to walk by grace into the gates of forever.

Step one: Admit you have a problem

Having just finished up a summer full of investing in high school kids, wakeboarding, running, sweating all day, and being surrounded by such a strong community of believers, my heart was completely restored and awakened to the man the Lord is calling me to be. If you have ever spent time at a Christian summer camp, mission trip, Young life camp, or weekend retreat. The subject I am going to talk about is all too familiar to us. We enter in the gates of whatever Christian venue the Lord brings you to often times with a heavy heart and broken spirit, coupled with a heavy load of spiritual baggage. But during your stay, your heart is awakened to what God is doing, and something interesting happens. You cry, lift your hands during worship, read your bible diligently, and pray ferverntly. You cry out to God saying "I'll never sin again!" You throw the stick in the fire, leave the card at the cross, or chunk the rock in the lake symbolizing your unwavering commitment to God's plan for your life. We exit the gates with a uncontainable passion for God, and a laundry list of things we are going to do and not do once we get back home. This experience has been effectively titled "the camp high". It leaves us needing our next "fix" of Jesus, so we can just make it through the year. Our generation, with the emphasis on Christian getaways to experience God has single-handedly created the most unique addiction this world has ever seen. Luke warm christians are addicted to camp... We make it back and, try and go strong for awhile, but it just isn't the same at camp, the worship back home isn't as good, and you don't have the same desire to read or pray anymore. What happened? God, where are you? Why am I not feeling you? All the sudden sin looks a little more attractive. You fall once, feel terrible, and claim it will never happen again. Then a second time... a third time. Bearing the weight of conviction with each fall you endure. Finally, you are so tired or falling, being convicted, repenting, and falling again that you shut yourself off completely. The word of God gathers dust on your nightstand, you stop answering your small group leader's, pastor's, or mentor's phone calls, so deeper and deeper in sin you go. It gets even worse than when you left for camp the first time, and you've made more mistakes and suffered even more scars. You enter in the gates the following year with even mroe baggage to leave at the cross, and you throw one more stick in the fire claiming to God that, "this really is it! I'm never going back I promise!"

We've all been there. There is no life and life to the full to be found in this cycle either. The question that haunts us though is why. What went wrong? I think the answer is pretty simple, but we are too self-centered to ever see it. For most of us, our encounters with God may be genuine, but i think we miss out on what God is trying to show you. The problem is that every time you lay your life down at the cross, its for you. It is so you can live a good life, and be known as a leader becaue of your faith. It is so you can never have to deal with sin again, or you can finally lay hold of what God has to offer you. And all that may be true, but the fact is that this line of thinking is so me-centered that its sickening. God calls us not for us, but for Him. He breaks our hearts so we will commit them to Him in order that He might be glorified. It just so happens that our satisfaction comes through precisely that; Glorifying God. If we go back home and this isn't our mindset, then it is ultimately about us, and plans with us at the center crumble very, very quickly. When we encounter a holy God, I pray we do not leave wondering what we are going to do with Him. But instead, seek what He is going to do with us. Walk in the truth that God made us to glorify Him, and only when that is the sincere attitude of our heart's will we ever be able to stay true to those commitments made around the campfire on the second to last night of camp. My prayer is that we would begin to see the fault on thinking it is about us, but instead we would latch onto the truth that it has only ever been about Him.