Send me a whisper

Oh Lord, you have not hid your face from me, I have chosen to look away. You emerse me in your presence and I rebel. I am so unclean I cannot bear to rest in your arms. So I drop the saving grace you offer and strap on my pride. Hiding my true heart from those around me, refusing to allow your mercies to be made new. I am crying out Father so desparately, but my flesh supresses the cry of my soul. I cannot unbound myself from the sin the entangles me. You call me to be free, you call me to throw off the chains, live in your freedom, stand on grace, encourage the saints. But how can I, oh God, when I am drowning in sin and shame? I push deeper still, attempting to show those around me that I am overflowing with your love, but I am nothing more than a broken well who cannot hold water. Fearing that if I show my weakness and vulvernability, those around me will see me for what I truly am. Nothing. I read your word and sing songs of praise, but I am unaffected when you seemingly touch my life. I do not have the desire to desire you. Prone to wander Lord I feel it. My mouth says you are worthy but my actions spit in your face and turn my back on the cross. Emotionless and unaffected. Nothing. Conviction is far from me, and a passion for you love has fled. Woe is me, Father. I am unclean. I do not deserve what you offer. I see now, how little strength I have, I have relied on myself for security yet again, but I cannot last. I need you Lord. I need to feel my need for you. I have settled for lovers less wild far too long, nothing but your sacrfice can satisfy the deep longing of my soul. Send me a whisper, Dad. Come break the silence. I am listening. Quiet amidst your presence. I do not deserve what you offer, but grace makes me clean. All the praise to you, and nothing to me. With tears, through pain, a faint smile takes its place on my face, because not even the anguish of my very heart can keep you away. As I sit in sorrow and shame, if I am still enough a voice causes the hair on my neck to stand up. "I will never leave you or forsake you." My savior was forsaken, therefore as a child of the King he meets me where I am, throws off his cloak, and dances at my return. Though I do not feel it. you are near. "You have overcome this heart that is overcome." I have hope in this: Your power is perfected in weakness. Break my legs, Father, till I stand on nothing but your grace. Thank you, Dad.